


Nagase, God of Thunder - Man of Lore

by diefleder_tey



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band), TOKIO
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Norse Mythology - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 15:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/444458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diefleder_tey/pseuds/diefleder_tey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagase awakes one morning to find something very dear to him is missing - forsooth!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nagase, God of Thunder - Man of Lore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astrangerenters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/gifts).



> Written for astrangerenters for the 2012 [je_otherworlds](http://je-otherworlds.livejournal.com) exchange. She had asked for Nagase as Thor (and KimuTaku as Odin and Nino as Loki) and I just could not say no! 8D It is based more on the actual Norse Mythology, though there are jokes about Marvel's Thor too. I guess a little familiarity would be helpful, but maybe not necessary? In any case, the main plot is stolen from a particularly well known Thor myth. XD;

Nagase, God of Thunder, awoke with a mighty snort - the haze of the previous night, and several more before it, still heavy in his eyes. The softness of his pillow and bed and the lump of covers bunched beside him like a giant stuffed animal enticed him to stay; but any thoughts of sleeping in further gave way to a rumbling in his stomach - a rumbling so great he was convinced he could feel his fingers shake from their resting place on his chest. He rubbed his face with his left hand and sat up, letting out a yawn almost too big for his mighty mouth. With a hop out of bed, away he went to breakfast!

But he was soon sidetracked - Nagase shuffled, somewhat unbalanced, to his mighty bathroom. With his left hand, he pulled up the toilet lid - with his left hand, he reached into his underwear. He quietly sang to himself as he went about his morning routine, left hand pushing the handle and switching off the light.

In the kitchen, Nagase found what would pass for a light breakfast - three eggs, sausage, bacon, the end piece of bread, and half a parsnip (greeted with a shrug of "why not?") - all of which he tossed into a frying pan on his mighty stove. He shoved the items around with small pokes from a fork, a grimace slowly spreading across his face. Somehow it was more difficult than usual. The parties were lasting longer lately, significantly longer, it seemed; he wondered maybe if there was some wisdom to what Toma said about staying in once in-a-while. He took the handle in his left hand, shook the pan, then let go in order to pick the fork back up. He awkwardly tried to flip the food out onto a mighty plate, almost losing some sausage in the process.

At his mighty kitchen table, Nagase set about eating, foregoing the use of a knife and opening his mouth wide enough to fit in each piece. As he chewed on the parsnip - a little too big and in hindsight not the best addition to breakfast - his nose twitched. He begrudgingly put down his fork to scratch the itch, mentally grumbling over the interruption. Stupid itch - how dare it disturb a meal. If only he had two hands, he could eat _and_ scratch!

Nagase blinked. He _did_ have two hands. His right arm hung at his side with the fingers curled up, as if he were holding something - a habit so entrenched in his daily life that it took conscious effort to break it. And indeed, every morning there was something in his right hand, something he carried into the bathroom and out to breakfast. He flexed his fingers a little bit before laughing, loud and thunderous. "I must have left it in bed this morn," he mused.

But there was nothing but bedding there - nothing hidden under the pillow or the sheets. Nothing accidentally flung across the room from late night tossing and turning. "Ah, the bathroom!" He looked around - only the usual items on his toilet and sink. "Refrigerator?" More parsnips, but no hammer.

Nagase suddenly panicked and started searching his entire house, pulling out towels and throwing around clothes. Was it in the laundry? Perhaps it wound up in one of the houseplants by accident? Maybe left on the front door step when he had fished his mighty keys out of his mighty pocket the night before? To no avail - the hammer was nowhere to be found.

Before a sadness could settle in his gut and on his bottom lip, Nagase puffed out his chest and held out his right hand. "Mjolnir, come to me!" he beckoned.

Nothing.

"Come to my side! I mean it! ...please?"

He let out a tiny whimper. "Mjolnir?"

 

[ ]===

 

"All Father," the servant said, "your son's here to see you."

"Which one?" Kimura asked.

"Nagase."

Kimura slunk down in his throne, a hand to his brow as he sighed. "Go stop him before he brings the goa-"

Too late. Nagase pushed open the double doors to the throne room, his two chariot goats in tow. "Gaptooth, Cracktooth," he told them, loosely hanging the end of their bridles over a stand at the entrance, "wait patiently - we will ride again soon."

Kimura looked at him sternly. "What did I tell you about bringing your goats in here? Goats don't belong in Glaðsheimr - they belong outside."

"It's a lost cause." In a smaller throne next to Kimura sat another son, Nino, curled up in his seat with a smug look on his face. "You know how he feels about his goats."

"But Gaptooth and Cracktoo-" Nagase stopped mid-sentence, staring with open mouth and furrowed brow. "Brother, have the horns on your helmet gotten longer recently?"

Nino shrugged.

"I don't care, Nagase," Kimura said, trying to get his focus back. "They're goats. The last time you brought them in, Shige spent three hours cleaning up after them. What the hell are you feeding them, anyway?"

"They're just healthy, is all," Nagase replied, meekly, before quickly turning to the side. "I'm sure they're longer than the last time I saw you. Like...half a meter longer."

"I don't really pay attention to that kind of thing," Nino sniffed.

"If by healthy you mean 'high-fiber diet,' I can see that," Kimura groused.

"Ah, I guess not. Do you mind if I ask then, Brother - who dresses you?"

Nino sat up straighter in his throne. "I dress myself - what does that mean?"

"They're eating my tapestry!" Kimura complained.

"Nothing," Nagase quickly said. "Green spandex is _very_ flattering." He turned back to his father. "It's just a light chewing on the ends."

"A light chewing? Well that's fine then, nothing wrong with goat saliva on priceless artifacts," Kimura replied. "You're reweaving the entire thing next week, okay? And then you're crocheting three more."

"What do you want, Nagase?" Nino asked, annoyed, unconsciously putting a hand to his helmet to balance the weight as he shifted in his seat.

"Yeah," Kimura agreed, similar in tone. "What do you want?"

"I am in need of your help," he replied. "Mjolnir is missing."

Nino pulled his hand down on his cheek. "Not your stupid hammer again..."

"Did you check your refrigerator?" Kimura answered, disinterested.

"It wasn't there."

"It probably just fell behind your bed again. I told you not to sleep with it every night. You're going to end up thunderbolting yourself in the head by accident that way."

"I searched the bed already!"

"Where did you see it last?" Nino asked.

"Um..." Nagase stared at the floor, deep in thought.

Kimura sighed. "Did you ask Toma if he's seen it?"

"By Nagase's beard! That's a great idea!"

Nino gave him a look. "Isn't the saying 'By Kimura's beard?'"

Nagase stroked his chin, careful to fluff his facial hair in the direction of his brother and tipping his head to their clean-shaven father. "Is it really, now? _Really_?"

"Great," Kimura interrupted. "Go ask Toma if he knows where it is and get your stupid goats out of my hall. And take your brother with you."

Nino's mouth fell - he whipped his head to the right, the weight of his helmet gaining too much momentum and nearly causing him to topple out of his throne. "Why do I have to go?"

Kimura shot him a look. "You're clever. He might need your help."

Nagase was still stroking his chin hairs, quietly laughing.

Nino sighed.

"Besides, all you do is sit in that chair all day. It's depressing. And obnoxious. Go do something outside for once."

"That is a fine idea!" Nagase proclaimed. "Come, Brother, let us away in my chariot and regain the mighty Mjolnir!"

Nino slowly got out of his throne, glaring at their father as he rose. "And _I'm_ the adopted one?"

Kimura shrugged. "You're all adopted as far as I'm concerned."

Nagase gave his brother a hearty pat on the shoulder, laughing quietly and taking care to avoid the horns on his helmet, which almost made Nino as tall as the God of Thunder himself.

"If it's all the same to you," Nino answered, "I'd rather just walk."

Nagase made a pained face. "Walk on the Rainbow Road? It's just..." He looked around before leaning down to the other's face and whispered, "It's just that every time you're on the Rainbow Road, those four little weird friends of yours always show up and do those funny moves." He waved his right hand above his head in a circle twice before gracefully lowering it, the palm turned up.

"Yeah but every time we ride in your chariot I get motion sic-"

"Come, my goats!"

"No, that's okay," Nino said. "Stay, Gapbeard. Stay, Crackbeard."

"Gaptooth and Cracktooth."

"Whatever."

Nagase put a hand on his shoulder. "My chariot's fast and we'll be to Toma in no time!"

Nino glared. "That's part of the problem."

 

[ ]===

 

Nagase's mighty chariot raced across the Rainbow Road, kicking behind hoofprints and splashes of red, blue, yellow, purple, and green, tearing out colors at a high speed. At the edge of their realm, the very tip of the existence of Asgard, they came to a screeching halt and Nagase bounded off, refreshed and confident. "See, Brother? Much better than walking. Toma, my friend!"

Nino gripped the side of the chariot, white-knuckled and green-faced - almost the shade of his clothing - as he attempted to step off, knock-kneed from the nausea. "Yeah," he muttered. "Awesome."

"Nagase!" Toma called from the gate, waving at them both.

"I am in need of your help, my friend," Nagase asked.

"Is he okay?" Toma replied, pointing to Nino, who was still gripping onto the side of the chariot. "Maybe he needs to lie down? I have some ginger, I think."

"Huh?" Nagase turned his head. "Don't be silly, Toma, my brother is fine. He's just soaking up the fresh air!"

Toma smiled politely, unconvinced. "Gotcha."

"I need your eyes, friend. Mjolnir has gone missing!"

"Oh," Toma replied. "It's in Jotunheim."

Nagase chewed his bottom lip, sniffling slightly. "You are a true friend, Toma. Before you were even asked, you took time out of your day - out of your duties as watchman of this realm - to look with your far-seeing eyes and search all the worlds for my dear Mjolnir."

Toma gave a quiet, nervous little laugh. "No, actually, that's just where you left it last night."

"What?"

"What?!" Nino coughed out from beside the chariot. "You were in Jotunheim last night?!"

Nagase averted his gaze. "I do not recall. Clearly some evil was set upon me where my unconscious body was dragged out of Asgard and my hammer stolen."

"You asked Yokoyama if you could set it down on his coffee table because it's too hard to keg stand with a hammer in hand," Toma corrected.

"Yokoyama!?" Nino's world was reeling, shock added to the nausea. "You were out partying with our enemies and then you gave their king your invincible weapon so you could drink more beer?"

"Mead, Brother," Nagase replied. "Beer is a woman's drink."

Nino face-palmed. "We've been on uneasy terms with them for centuries! That's it, I'm going home. You can go get your stupid hammer on your own."

"No, Brother, wait." Nagase ran to grab him by the shoulders. "Please?"

"No," Nino answered. "If you're such good friends with Yokoyama you can just ask him to give it back."

"Yoko won't give it up so easily," Toma replied. "He's not going to just give up that kind of collateral."

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Nagase asked.

"Right now?" Nino replied. "In my throat, with my stomach - goodbye. I'm walking home."

"But Brother, I need your wits. Yokoyama is crafty!"

Nino hesitated.

"He's not easily fooled," Nagase continued. "It would take someone very smart to outfox him." He smiled. "And if you help me, we'll take you along next time."

"Fine, but we're walki-"

Nagase picked him up by the waist in a mighty embrace. "We'll have Mjolnir home by dark. Come! To my chariot!"

"No, no, not the chariot! I said we're walking!"

"Hang on," Toma called. "I'll just go lock the gate and I'll be-"

"No need, dear friend, you have a duty here! I dare not ask you to leave it."

"It's okay," Toma replied, pulling his keys out of his pocket. "Not a whole lot happens here and I never get to hang out with the other gods during the day."

Nagase was already grabbing the reins. "Farewell dear friend!"

"But-" Toma watched them speed off, down the Rainbow Road with urgency. "I'll...just stay here, then, and make sure no one attacks Asgard, I guess."

 

[ ]===

 

_Meanwhile at Glaðsheimr..._

"You called for me, All Father?" Shige walked through the double doors, wiping the sweat off of his brow with his sleeve. His shoulders burned and ached, sore from the last few hours spent cleaning and pressing the entire wardrobe of their king - Kimura, All Father and leader of the Asgardian gods.

Kimura was seated at his throne, waiting for him. "Shige! I need you to do something for me."

Shige nodded. "Yes, All Father?"

Kimura smiled, widely. "Nagase was just here..."

Shige's shoulders slumped as he sighed. He looked to the side and noticed the knocked over plants, the chewed furniture, the piles of...

"Fuck my life," Shige muttered.

 

[ ]===

 

"Yokoyama!" Nagase bellowed, beating on the door. "I know you're in there!"

The door slowly opened, behind it the pale and puffy face of the King of the Jotun. He grimaced at the sight of Nagase. "It's too early to start drinking now." He groggily looked at Nino in the distance, who was holding clumps of the Jotunheim snow against his cheeks. "What's wrong with him?"

"He lets other people dress him."

"No, the...," he started and decided it wasn't worth the effort. Whatever was wrong with Nagase's companion, he looked as queasy as Yokoyama felt. "Not tonight, okay? I think I need to stay in."

"Where's Mjolnir?" Nagase demanded.

"What?"

"You stole Mjolnir, give it back."

Yokoyama thought for a moment before poking Nagase in the arm. "I didn't steal it, you left it on my couch!"

"Coffee table."

"Whatever. You left it, I didn't steal it," Yokoyama said, indignant. "And as far as I'm concerned, it's what you owe me for trashing my living room last night."

Nagase puffed out his mighty chest and looked down at the King of the Jotun. "How do you know I was the one who trashed it? I seem to remember a lot of giants in your house last night."

"Because you etched your name into my wall," Yokoyama replied. "With thunderbolts."

Nagase didn't blink. "Give it back."

"No," Yokoyama refused.

"Nino!"

Nino slowly trudged his way toward them, one hand on his stomach and the other holding his helmet on straight. "Just give him his stupid hammer, I want to go home."

"No," Yokoyama repeated, sticking out his chin in defiance. "I invite people over and pay for super rare mead that I have to get from a super secret supplier who gets it from an even more super secret supplier that you can't get anywhere else and what do I get in return? Does he ever offer to bring food or invite me to a barbecue in Asgard? No, he just comes over and destroys my living room every week!"

"Every week?"

"Completely destroys it, not a thread left!"

"Why do you keep inviting him, then?" Nino asked.

Yokoyama and Nagase glanced at each other before turning to Nino with confused expressions. "Because we're friends," Nagase replied.

"You still can't have it," Yokoyama continued.

"Then we'll just take it back. Come on, Nagase," Nino said.

The mighty God of Thunder didn't budge. "Uh, no...we can't do that."

"Why not? Just punch him in the face and let's go."

"I lose my strength when I'm away from Mjolnir too long," Nagase started.

"Oh my go-"

"And it's been awhile since breakfast, I think my blood sugar's starting to drop," he continued, holding up a hand that he clumsily waved about. "See? I'm shaking."

"Besides," Yokoyama added. "Punching me would be a direct act of war. And then your father's really going to be pissed off at you."

"Fine," Nino said, giving him a smile. "How about a trade instead?"

"Go on."

"Let him have the hammer back and he'll _build_ you a new living room."

Yokoyama giggled. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"I told you he was crafty," Nagase whispered loudly.

"Once he has the hammer you'll be out of here in your little goat chariot with Crackbutt and Gapface."

"Crackface and Gapbutt," Nino interjected.

"Cracktooth and Gaptooth," Nagase corrected.

"Whatever. Fine, what would you prefer?"

Yokoyama crossed his arms, deep in thought. He stood for some time, eyes squinting - so long so that Nino almost repeated himself, afraid that Yokoyama had missed the question. But suddenly, a red flush spread across the Jotun King's cheeks, along with a boyish grin. "I'll give you the hammer...if you get Becky to marry me."

"Becky? As in Asgardian Goddess of Love and Beauty?" Nino said, giving him an incredulous look. "You do know that, right? That's she's a goddess? Goddess of _As-gard_?"

"Deal," Nagase blurted out, sticking out his hand for a shake. "We'll be back at dinner time with your bride. Prepare a handsome feast - I suggest at least seven boars!" He quickly led his brother back to the chariot, a smile on his face. "Magnificent! I'll have Mjolnir back in no time! I may even be able to still fit in my daily Mjolnir & Me shower!"

"Are you nuts? You can't marry someone else off without asking them."

"Who said we wouldn't ask?"

 

[ ]===

 

_Meanwhile at Glaðsheimr..._

Shige had started near the throne and worked his way toward the wall. He slowly stepped back, bit by bit, as he swept, making sure nothing of Nagase's mess remained. So focused on it was he that he inadvertently walked into the wall. When he turned to look, all he saw was a half chewed tapestry hanging there.

"Look at all these loose threads," he commented. "All Father?"

Shige looked around - Kimura was no longer there.

He stuck his head out the double doors. "All Father? All Father."

He paused, broom in hand, staring at the tapestry. It was clearly damaged and was hanging askew and marred his otherwise perfect Glaðsheimr. "I'm not a seamstress," he muttered, sweeping once again.

It gnawed at him - he knew that the best job he could do didn't involve leaving a ratty tapestry on the wall.

Shige put down the broom and wandered off to find a needle. "Seriously, fuck my life."

 

[ ]===

 

Nagase cleared his throat and then quickly smoothed his hair back with his mighty hand. He then breathed into it and took a whiff to check his breath, deeming it presentable enough. Behind him, Nino had his hands on his knees, trying to stay upright after their latest dash across the world.

Nagase knocked gently, and sweetly called out, "Becky?"

Soon after, the goddess opened her door, face brightly shining and voice boisterous with enthusiasm. One of her cats sat on her head while the other was under her arm. "Nagase, nice to see you!"

"Becky, I have something very important to ask you..."

"Ooh," Becky said, leaning forward and looking behind him. She placed the cat in her arm on the ground. "I like your helmet! Those long horns are pretty cool!"

Nino, despite the churning in his stomach, smiled. "Really? Thanks. Everyone else makes fun of it."

"It's awesome," Becky replied. "I'd wear it."

Warmth spread across Nino's face. For a moment he felt a sort of bliss and calm he had not had all day - not since he sat down in his throne next to his father, anyway. Perhaps there was something to this "getting out more."

"No," Nino said quickly, "wrong feeling." He spun around and grabbed his helmet, a makeshift bucket just in time as his body finally gave in from all the chariot rides.

"Are you okay?" Becky called.

Nagase put up a hand. "He's fine - he's just terrified of girls."

"That's not it, you jerk," Nino coughed.

"Becky," he said, taking her hand and pulling her over until she could no longer see Nino past his broad shoulders. "It's lonely being a god sometimes, isn't it?"

"I guess," she answered.

"And there comes a time in every god's life when they need to stop hanging around their cats and spend more time with other gods."

Becky's eyes widened and her mouth parted. "Nagase...are you...?"

"A goddess as pretty as you shouldn't be alone." He held her hand in his mighty own and kneeled before her. "Becky, will you marry-"

Becky put her other hand to her face, shocked by her own reaction. "Nagase, I had no idea," she said. Her sudden excitement betrayed her - the words came out high pitched and a bit strung together. "I guess - I've always admired you from afar but I figured we were just too different with you and your goats and me and my cats but I like goats too because goats can be really cute and yours seems really nice and I hear that you style their beards yourself and I think they'd look adorable with a few accessories if you'd let me."

"-Yokoyama, King of the Jotun?"

Becky jerked her hand away. "What?"

"Wouldn't that be fun?" Nagase asked, smiling widely.

"Are you serious?" As Nagase kneeled there before her, dopily nodding as enthusiastically as he could manage, she picked the cat up off her head and dropped it in his lap. The other followed suit, hissing and clawing. Becky walked back into her house and closed the door.

"Is that, ow, is that a yes?" he cried after her. "By Nagase's beard these cats are - OW!" Nagase pulled one off and slung it to the side. The other had grappled onto his leg, teeth and claws sunk in. He limped over to her door. "Becky! Becky! Please!"

She opened it just enough to stick her face out. "What?"

"But he lives right next to a ski slope!" he managed, before the second cat leapt and grabbed onto his head, causing Nagase to fall to the ground in a flurry of fur and high-pitched screams.

"Marry him yourself," Becky said. The two cats got in their last attacks and then calmly hopped off of the God of Thunder, walking obediently back inside before Becky closed the door for a final time.

Nino looked at his brother, splayed out on the ground, still swatting away at the memory of the cats. He almost felt sorry for him. He looked at his now ruined helmet and chucked it to the side. "Come on," he said, holding out a hand to help Nagase up.

"Now I will never see Mjolnir," Nagase sighed. "Never again will we frolic in fields, or watch movies together on pizza night. Do you think Yokoyama will read Mjolnir bedtime stories?"

"You know maybe a little vacation from it would be a good thing?" Nino said, before quickly shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I mean, come on, let's go get it."

"But Becky said no."

"That's because Becky's not going to marry him. You are."

Nagase stood up, a loud grumbling erupting from his stomach. "I believe low blood sugar is affecting you more than it is me, Brother."

"Don't worry," Nino answered. "I've got an idea."

 

[ ]===

 

_Meanwhile at Glaðsheimr..._

"Finally," Shige said, returning to the hall. He had swept and mopped, cleaned up the plants - Glaðsheimr looked better than it had before. All that was left was mending the frayed tapestry. And finding the means to do so had been no easy task. He had searched the entire hall and courtyard, asking everyone he could find - even a few valkyries - if they had any thread. At last, his efforts had paid off and Shige was sure that within the hour, he would be able to restore the tapestry and All Father would be pleased. So pleased. Perhaps, even, All Father would stop calling upon him to do all the grunt work and instead invite him to take a high seat and join the other Asgard gods in the council.

Shige smiled, clutching the needle in his hand as he reached up to pull down the tapestry...

...only to find that it was missing.

"I'm going home," he said, tossing the needle over his shoulder.

 

[ ]===

 

"It should be strapless, Brother."

Nino rolled his eyes, adjusting one of the helmets. "You're hairy, he'd know."

"The Mighty Nagase, God of Thunder, demands strapless!"

"Would you shut up? If Yokoyama finds out, he'll have a pretty good cause to declare war on Asgard and then I'll be stuck baby-sitting you for the rest of my eternal life. There."

"Sorry," Nagase said. "I miss Mjolnir."

"I know."

"And breakfast was so long ago."

Nino stood back to admire his handiwork. The tapestry from the hall was just the right size for an impromptu dress, hiding Nagase's mighty body and snugly framing two helmets that were strapped to his chest.

Nagase put his hands to his cold, fake bosom. "Are these not a little large, Brother? Isn't he going to notice?"

"Trust me. Besides, you don't have to actually marry him, just convince him long enough to sneak in and grab your hammer. Here," he said, handing over a white lace curtain he had grabbed from All Father's bedroom. "Put this over your head as a bridal veil."

"You're sure we can't eat first? I have trouble concentrating when I haven't had meat."

Nino took the other curtain and draped it over himself; alas, what worked as a veil on the God of Thunder made Nino look more like a kid dressed up as a ghost on Halloween. "Let's go, this shouldn't take long."

Nagase turned to his goats, tucked away behind a tree some distance from Yokoyama's house. "Cheesesteak, Bratwurst, wait for me here."

"Don't you mean Gaptooth and Cra- nevermind." Nino resisted the urge to rub his face in exasperation, instead picking up the curtain like a long skirt and shuffling through the snow toward the door. He lightly knocked and then stepped back behind his brother, hanging his head down like a servant.

"Yokoyama, King of the Jotun!" Nagase bellowed as the door opened. He caught himself and coughed, adjusting his voice, attempting to speak in as high pitched a tone as possible. "Hello!"

Yokoyama looked confused.

"It is I!" Nagase continued. "Becky, Goddess of Love and Beauty! And Fertility!"

Yokoyama dropped his drink. "Wha...wh- Why are you here?"

"Ha ha," Nagase said, twisting around in an attempt to look shy behind the veil. "I'm here to marry you!"

"Why?" Yokoyama choked out.

"B...because you told the Mighty Nagase, God of Thunder, you would give back the Mighty Mjolnir if she did," he said in his normal voice, quickly recovering with, "If I did. And of course I'll marry you, you handsome Frost Giant."

Yokoyama started to panic, his breath quickening and his face full of alarm. "I can't get married, I barely know you!"

"Uh, a date, then?" Nino squeaked out.

"Right, trusty hand maiden, how about a date?" Nagase said, pushing Yokoyama to the side and walking in.

Yokoyama closed the door behind him, looking somewhat shell shocked. "I didn't think he'd actually...what am I supposed to...um, are you hungry?"

"No, thanks," Nino replied, "the Lovely Becky just wants to get to know y-"

"I'm famished!" Nagase said.

Yokoyama looked a little more relaxed and led them to the dining table. "I was just about to eat."

"I love eating."

"Me too!"

Nino coughed. "Lovely Becky, don't you think you should just sit on the couch for a few minutes? Dinner's kind of like a third date sort of thing."

"Pfft, that's the furthest you've ever gotten on a third date?" Nagase asked him.

"Care for some mead?" Yokoyama asked.

"You do know how to treat a lady," Nagase replied.

Nearly an hour and two casks of mead later, Yokoyama's mouth drooped. His cheeks were bright red and his head weaved as he sat across from them. "You're...you're the most lovely thing I've ever seen."

"Nino, Nino," Nagase slurred, attempting to take another bite of meat through the veil. "Have I ever told you that you're adopted?"

Nino sat next to him, his hands at his temples. "Yes. I'm fully aware of that."

"Oh. Nino, Nino."

"What?"

"Did I ever tell you you're actually a Jotun and Father found you on the side of the road during a scenic tour of West Hollyheim Heights on a vacation one time?"

Nino's mouth fell. "No...no one's ever told me that! Ever!"

"Oh, well okay, maybe I shouldn't bring it up."

"I'm a Jotun?!"

"Your breasts," Yokoyama mewed. "They're magnificent."

Nino stood up in disgust. "I'm going to find Mjolnir," he muttered, heading off to the living room. Yokoyama had not exaggerated - the room was in shambles, with snow falling gently through a hole in the roof all the way down to a pile below in a hole in the floor. Nino saw the hammer in the corner and quickly worked his way to the other side of the room, jumping over beams and ducking under precariously placed wrecked furniture. "Finally," he said, grabbing the handle. He turned to leave.

And promptly got jerked back, falling down on the floor. "Oh yeah," he grumbled. "I forgot only Nagase can lift you."

Back in the dining room, Nagase had pulled out one of the helmets that had served as his fake breast and was wearing it on his head, over the veil. "Oops," he said. "Lost one!"

"I still love you," Yokoyama said.

Nagase leaned over on the table. "Hey, did I mention I'm the Goddess of Fertility too?"

"Hey, _Becky_ , why don't you come over here for a minute - now." Nino pulled him away from the table. "I found Mjolnir."

Nagase sobered up in a hurry, or at least he felt sober though his body somewhat disagreed. "Where?" He looked to the corner where Nino pointed and after hiking up his dress, stumbled and crashed until it was in his arms again. "Mjolnir!"

"Are you going to cry?"

Nagase sniffled. "No?"

They shuffled back to the dining room where Yokoyama met them. "Becky, will you mar- is that a beard under your veil?"

"What do we do about him?" Nagase asked. "I suppose I should smite him with thunder?"

"I've got a better idea." Nino reached up and pulled the helmet off of Nagase's head; then he lifted the veil slightly, enough to give him access to the neckline of the dress, where he pulled out the other helmet from its resting place. He handed them both over. "A token of Becky's affection."

Yokoyama cuddled them and smushed his face in between the two large, round helmets, sinking to the ground. "This is the happiest day of my life," he said, sleepily.

Nagase patted him on the head approvingly before looking at Nino. "Let's go home, Brother."

And so, outside, the two gods did venture, trudging along together in the snow toward the goats, who were waiting patiently beside their tree. Nagase unwound their bridles from the branch, setting Mjolnir down in his chariot to maneuver it out of the snow. "It has been a long day," he said.

He was just about to give the signal for them to ride when Nino suddenly let out a noise. "What is it, Brother?" Nagase asked.

"The second helmet," he said. "I shouldn't have left that - I got it from Father's wardrobe."

"You're right," Nagase said. "He'll be angry with us if it is lost. Yokoyama is very drunk, I'll go in and retrieve it. He'll never notice one missing."

"Good idea. Oh, and Brother? Perhaps you should take off the tapestry before it gets damaged any more?"

"I think you're right." Nagase tossed the curtain into the chariot and quickly pulled off the makeshift dress, handing it to him. He rubbed his bare arms in the chilly night with a mischievous grin and then started bounding through the snow in his boots and pants.

"West Hollyheim Heights, huh?" Nino muttered, cracking the reins and driving the chariot away from Jotunheim. "If I had known it was this easy to get Mjolnir, I would have started selling mead a long time ago."

By the time Nagase had reached the door, he noticed the chariot pulling out of sight. "Brother, wait! Wait a minute!" he whispered as loudly as he could. "Tell them to halt, I haven't gotten the hel...met...yet."

Beside him, Yokoyama stood in the doorframe, still clutching his gift with one hand and a glass in the other. "This helmet?"

"Ha ha," Nagase proclaimed. "This is all a dream, Yokoyama, King of the Jotun! When you wake this will all seem funny because it's not real!"

"I'm not that drunk," Yokoyama deadpanned. "Want another mead?"

"Sounds good to me," Nagase answered, following him inside with a mighty grin and a mighty hand on his back.


End file.
